Okay, so I've committed myself to doing these morning pages. I started off last week (okay a couple of weeks ago) doing one but then I convinced myself that it was too hard and too busy to take in on every morning. Blargh my spelling is horrid. Anyway, so this week, even if I don't make three pages a day, I want to at least try to write in here everyday. Thankfully it's okay to write whatever the heck I want in here. I could even write nonsense if I want, but I won't. I think I have more creativity than just slamming my face against the keyboard and rolling it around a bunch. That and it would wake up Marcie more than I already do since I'm sitting here typing and everything at like 5:50 am. I would have started this earlier, but I distracted myself with Gmail and ended up (somehow) checking on Professor Layton's twitter and then to Don Paolo and then to this "Kingdom of Loathing" game site, which, consequently, one of our neighbors has a bumper sticker for. For the longest time I wondered what it meant. "Knobgoblins fear my Moxie." Well, now I do know. Moxie is like charisma in DnD and Knobgoblins are one of the enemies in the game. They all have funky names like the enemies in Earthbound.
Anyway this weekend was one of those where I wore myself out, but it was totally worth it and I had a lot of fun. I went to Penny Arcade Expo - PAX Prime 2012 - at the Washington State Trade and Convention Center (and other various hotels). I cosplayed as an injured Jurassic Park staff member using props I got from my deluxe version of Jurassic Park the Game made by TellTale Games, who are pretty much my favorite developer at the moment (next to SEGA of course, since they made Sonic, and well, he's the coolest video game character, so he's pretty hard to top EVER. IMHO, lol. I'm so biased. By the way I saw him at the convention and I didn't glomp him, so I'm proud of myself. Damnit I wanted to though! woo! So hot! <3 lol) Anyway!! *yawn*
I dunno why I'm so tired, other than probably I shouldn't have left the window open and the fan running blowing cold air on my face. I had to use Sonic as a shield! Hahaha, I just buried my face in him and snuggled up. He's such a good snuggle buddy. I really wish I could take him to work with me, lol. I suppose there's not a lot stopping me from doing so, but I feel really guilty about it. I can't help it though, he makes me feel so relaxed and happy and loved. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. I'm just one of those people who loves physical attention. I'm not sure why that is. Nature or Nurture? Could be something else entirely, hahaha. I just love hugs. Sometimes I wish I was in Latin America where everyone is always physically affectionate. Sometimes I just feel so starved for physical attention. I love having Bruna over because she also loves giving hugs. She gives really good ones.
I saw lots of great things at PAX this weekend. I went to three awesome panels. One by the Runaway Guys, featuring one of my favorite YouTube let's players, Timothy Bishop, aka NintendoCapriSun. I actually got to meet him afterwards. He was so flabbergasted by all the people who wanted to talk to him and ask for his autograph. I got him to sign my player card that I got for coming into the panel. He was super shy and part of me thought maybe he thought I was cute and wasn't sure what to say. Lol, I'm such a fangirl! I told him that I was a big fan of his channel, a long-time subscriber and I absolutely loved his videos. Hehehe, he was very flattered. I wish I could have taken some time to talk with him and get to know him, but he was busy (lots of fans) and I was busy (I was meeting Kim for lunch) so I hurried away. His panel by the way was really cool. It was a game show styled after Nick Arcade. They had trivia questions (easy, tricky and brutal), music questions (what game is this from), and Video Game Challenges (either against the audience members or taking a challenge from one of the Runaway Guys). NCS had one of the best ones. The guy had to play Super Punch Out and beat Glass Joe (first enemy) for two rounds - BLINDFOLDED! And you know what? The guy totally did it!! It was so awesome. They had some issues with the games showing up on the screen (they flickered off and on) but that almost added to the suspense because we didn't know what was going on half the time and just had to listen to the guys commentating on it. They played awesome games too, including Sonic the Fighters (YAY!) and Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (30 rings in 30 seconds on Emerald Hill)! Well I'm biased, but there were other good games too: F-Zero, Contra, Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Brothers 3, Smash TV, etc. I would have made a challenge - get X rupees in X seconds in a Zelda game, lol - probably Link to the Past. And they gave out tons of prizes, including 2 Nintendo 3DS systems!! And they had tons of Fangamer merch, including the awesome pipe and E-mugs and pins and stickers and keychains! I didn't win anything, but it was a hilarious and awesome panel. It was such a pleasure to sit down for a while and laugh!
Next awesome panel was for TellTale's The Walking Dead the Game. They had Gerry, one of the founders there, and then three of the game writers. One of them wrote the movie screenplay, the Book of Eli. They were all really insightful and gave lots of peeks into how they tackled the stories and why. One of the most fascinating things was how they wanted people to be split 50/50 on their decisions in the game. They want every choice to be a hard one. They don't want there to be only one "correct/good/perfect" path. I think that's awesome. They also managed not to spoil anything, so yay! :D I found out one of the head writers was in the TV version of the walking dead (I'll have to look for him next time). Overall, they gave lots of good tips, and I was glad I went. At the end they gave us special posters just for PAX that were individually numbers and I got them all to sign mine in silver sharpie! :D YAY! They had pretty awesome things at their booth this year too. On day 2 I got a severed hand with a barbeque turkey leg inside, so when I was eating it, it was like I was eating a human hand! I scared a lot of people walking around on the show floor like that! :D
The final panel I went to was on Sunday and it was for Extra Credits, one of my favorite online video series. They talk about game design, constructively critique popular games, and want to further games as an art form and foster intelligent discussion about games. I was so glad I got there early because literally a few hundred people showed up. I was second in line! :D I felt so cool and dedicated, hahaha! This was one I didn't want to miss though, I even gave up a chance at getting a sunshroom plushie from PopCap's Plants Vs. Zombies booth so I could get in this panel. It was worth it. They were a pleasure to listen to and answered tons of awesome questions from the audience for almost the whole hour. Then, when they ran out of time, they offered to stay at their booth on the Expo floor so everyone could come and talk to them. I went there later, bought a shirt and got them all to sign it! James was busy answering questions, but I pulled LeeLee and Dan aside and told them personally how much it meant to me that they were making the show and that because of them I was inspired to make my own game. Which is very true. If I hadn't seen EC, I wouldn't have bought RPG Maker and then where would I be? Lol! :D I wish I could have said so to James too, but I'm sure they will pass it on (at least I hope so!)
I think I'm running out of time and I've been writing on this for 40 minutes, so that's probably enough (at least I hope so), but I just wanted to say that today is my first day of my new job as Associate Narrative Designer! I'm very happy, because I've been wanting to move out of Testing for 4 years now, but I'm also very nervous. One of the things Pamela told me was that I deserve a fair pay for putting in 40 hours, and I don't have to feel like I have to prove myself. I've already done that. I just need to do the best I can with the time I'm given. I won't be able to perfect everything, but I can try my best. I really want to do good. Someday I want to work my way up to just Narrative Designer - and maybe someday I can move on to bigger projects. Someday I want to work for SEGA. That would be so awesome. I want to work on a Sonic game and make it shine like the star he is! <3 I also want to finish my own game too. I'm really scared I won't have enough time for all of this, including these morning pages. I really don't want to get burnt out and I am scared of falling back into a deep depression again. At the very least I'm tackling my April issues with Pamela. For that I'm really happy. I want to be able to put my name back on my FF.net. Okay, time to check the page count. Whoa, nearly exactly three! How awesome!
One more thing, I really want to start good habits with this job and one of them is getting to work early so I can go to the gym and not worry about hurrying. Because of that, I need to get going right now. But, I will be back tomorrow! :D
I'm a fabulous writer with lots of talent, and I'm great at polishing stories.
It's okay for me to make mistakes, I'm a young writer and still learning. Learning from your mistakes is the best way to grow. I remember how much Home Run Sonic taught me.
I'm allowed to be a beginner at my new job and to be open to learning from Lisa and Faye. I can ask them any questions. I'm fully theirs now and we are a team. If I ever have a problem, I can openly go to anyone on the team and tell them I need help. If I succeed then we all succeed. It will be hard work, but also satisfying work and I have the right to take breaks and vacation when I need to. That is my right as an employee under Washington State Law. I can continue to eat away from my desk because it is healthy for my mind and body. :) I will do well in my new job. Heck, I've already been doing it for the past couple of months!! :D
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