Hi, I wanted to start out with an exercise from the book:
1.) My favorite childhood toy was... I guess I had a lot of them. Sonic would probably be my first choice, but some others that I remember where the fake telephone booth at daycare (bright yellow and orange) that I would use to talk to people, including the president, hahaha, and those red scooters that were a seat with handles that you could wiggle back and forth to move fast.
2.) My favorite childhood game was... hide and seek. I was terrible at seeking, but awfully good at hiding, especially at night! I loved when we got to play in the woods or inside the church at night with all the lights off. <3
3.) The best movie I ever saw as a kid was... part of me wants to say DUH LION KING. But I had a couple other ones that were pretty influential: The Hugga Bunch Movie, My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, Gallavants, and the Neverending Story I & II.
4.) I don't do it much, but I enjoy... painting, with acrylics. Or just plain painting inside photoshop. I love it because I never make the size too big or too small like I do on paper! HA! :D I also like being outside in the forest with nature and wildlife.
5.) If I could lighten up a little, I would let myself... omg get a fun sex toy - just for me. :) I've always been so ashamed of them before, but they always brought a lot of good relaxation and release.
6.) If it weren't too late, I'd... attend Cal-Arts! or Les Gobelins! Maybe even just join an animation studio. I wish I could have been an employee for DiC before they tanked.
7.) My favorite musical instrument is .... I have three! The steel drums, the steel guitar, and the harpsichord. I'm also very fond of bagpipes! I know they're pretty crazy, but they have such rich, environmental sounds. I feel like I'm in another place when I hear them.
8.) The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month... is at least $14 for Crunchyroll and Big Fish... other than that it's very sparingly. I also feel very guilty whenever I do try to spend money on just me. I got mad at myself for putting $200 into Fangamer, even though I love them and I want to support them and it would get me awesomeness stuff. :3 I probably need to let myself spend more on myself.
9.) If I weren't so stingy with my artist, I'd buy her... a new computer! With all the best graphics cards, so I can play Walking Dead and Mass Effect 3 without blurps and graphic corruption. I'd get a nice, big screen too! Not too big. Maybe even dual monitors! :D Yeah just one more and I can keep the one I have. That would be very useful.
10.) Taking time out for myself is... it always feels wrong and wasteful - that I should be doing something "productive" with my time. I want to take time out to relax though. I know I need to, to charge my batteries.
11.) I am afraid that if I start dreaming... I will want things that I can never have and it will make me more sad than I am now. I had being disappointed and having my dreams crash and explode into flames.
12.) I secretly enjoy reading... Sonic/Tails shipping fan-fiction. I feel like if anyone knew that I liked the idea of them in a homosexual relationship that people would either be A.) creeped out or B.) have no respect for me.
13.) If I had had a perfect childhood I'd have grown up to be... a super-hero. That's what I always wanted, to be like my favorite heroes on TV with super powers and a bunch of good friends, wise mentors and a loving family.
14.) If it didn't sound so crazy, I'd write or make... "Cruise of the Dead" a zombie movie/book about a bunch of people trying to escape the zombacalpyse by taking over a fully-stocked cruise ship and all the mayhem that goes on as people fight for resources and power.
15.) My parents think artists are... dreamers. Once in a good while they get lucky and make it or break it, but there's only stardom or failure. There's no middle ground. Either you become famous or you find something else to do.
16.) My God thinks artists are... his children, of whom he is very proud. They are his champions, his heroes, who are brave enough to show us ourselves and what we are like. They aren't afraid to show both the darkness and the light in everyone and make us rethink who we are.
17.) What makes me feel weird about this recovery... is not knowing whether or not it's actually going to help. I feel like I've already failed it before I have even started. I worry that even if I do succeed I'll just revert back to old habits as soon as this is done. I'm also worried about what people will think of me.
18.) Learning to trust myself is... probably not a good idea, but it's one that I think (or everyone tells me) that I should do. I guess I'm not comfortable with letting myself make choices. Somewhere deep down I feel like an immature, irresponsible person who isn't capable of making wise choices.
19.) My most cheer-me-up music is... probably Sonic music - although I'm a huge fan of Disney Princess Songs, certain country songs, deep evanescence love songs, anime music, video game music, and old stuff like care bears and rainbow brite. "Care-a-lot" by Carole King really sums it up.
20.) My favorite way to dress is... in halloween costumes! I love dressing up, especially if it is something fun like for the renaissance fair. I also love dressing up like a princess and wearing ball gowns. I love looking at the prom dresses and imagining what it would be like to look like that and have people admire me.
That's all I have time for today for my morning pages, but tomorrow I will have more time and I want to get to more exercises! So see you later! :D This was very revealing and helpful. I hope I can use this to learn something more about myself.
Later days,
- ME
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